top of page
  • Writer's pictureThe Consigliori

Who Do You Trust?

Jack works for you. You and Jack have completed a meeting, and he says…

“Absolutely, Boss. You can count on me. I’ve never been readier to invest into my planning and raise my game. Thanks for the coaching, I’m on it.”

What do you think? Do you believe Jack’s words?

Context, pattern, what you know about Jack’s character and history all matter. The same words from another person would inform totally different trust factors.


  • When should I, and when shouldn’t I trust?

  • What indicates honesty vs lies?

  • When are lies okay, and simply force me to trust my beloved friend more? Some lies not only do not hurt me, they may even help me.

Perhaps as much as ‘who to trust’, ‘how to trust’ is equally important.

When it comes to ‘how’, there are two great keys.

  1. Make extreme cases for and against trust, and then find a decision in the middle.

  2. Make predictions. What is the correlation between word and action? WATCH THE PATTERN!

The first rule requires inner thoughts like, “You’re lying! You are so dishonest, I can’t believe a word you say.” But then, we flip, “I love this guy. He’s never lied to me before, and when he did, it was only over a little thing that didn’t count.”

One of the most important aspects is to soften our certainty and weaken our conscious mind’s great power over our judgements. Rather, we want to hold on a bit more loosely, and allow our emotions, instincts, and intuitions a little room to speak, too.

The second rule is ultimately the most important when choosing to allow for or to remove trust in a specific relationship. Trust means you’re confident predicting the tie between word and action. That demands a strong pattern.

Now let’s flip this all around from the outside to the inside. That is, how trustworthy are you, yourself? And no, I’m not asking whether others should trust you or not.

My question is: Should you trust you?

We all lie. We all lie to ourselves. At minimum, we all suffer from denial, and what is that but lying to oneself? At worst, our addictions are always based on lies told to self.

Shhhsheshure, I cccannn hahndul thish nexsht drink, no ppproblem…

The same two rules apply. First, establish any statement at all – the more important the better – and make both cases. You’re obviously completely wrong, obviously completely right and then find the place in the middle where you take your actual stand.

Second, make bold predictions and note your patterns over time.

You’ll be amazed to discover yourself within both your truths and your falsehoods.

And here’s a last, passionate recommendation. Head over to my website: Read my article on leadership and (or reread it), and then head over to the self-assessment I provide and take it.

If you’ve already taken it, consider doing it again. This time, instead of just believing your own judgments, challenge them, and challenge them as deeply as you can.

Self-honesty is, perhaps, at the core of all virtue. Don’t you owe it to yourself to take the next step forward in mastering it? Only when you know you can trust yourself are you truly ready to judge others.

So, let me ask, what do you think about Jack’s commitment to planning? Do you trust him?


bottom of page